it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
