where am i from again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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