hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
