Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
