Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
