Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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