She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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