My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
