u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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