Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
