Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
