Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
