if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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