first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
