If i come over, it means nothing
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
