He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
