I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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