The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
