my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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