A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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