u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
