Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
