My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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