we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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