Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
