you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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