I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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