I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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