Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
