I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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