What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
