i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
