I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
