in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
