I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
