Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
