It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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