i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
