Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
