I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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