So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
