Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
