im drinking this country out of the recession.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
