I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
