i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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