My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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