I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You need Xanax blowdarts
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
