Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
