so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
