Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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