nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize